Whispering The Unspoken

I didn’t realize how important withholding emotions was when I was dealing with a narcissist. After multiple unprovoked attacks on my character, who I was, how I live my life, I exploded. I reacted negatively.

In response to that, in typical narcissistic fashion, they used my negative reactions and emotions against me.

This caused me to have severe guilt for how I reacted. For the longest time, I thought, “Maybe they’re right. Maybe I am the problem.” Questions I asked myself on why I reacted in such an emotional way. Why couldn’t I be calm?

This is exactly where the narcissist wants you. Questioning yourself. Doubting yourself. Believing that you are the problem and not them. This is how deep their gaslighting and manipulation goes. Imbedding itself into your brain, making you believe things about your own self that are the farthest from the truth.

This is a perfect example of reactive abuse.

They poke, and poke, and poke. Provoking and baiting you to emotionally react. Once you take that bait and react to the abuse, the disrespect, they will use your negative emotions and your negative reactions as ammo against you.

They will claim you are crazy, you are abusive, you are the narcissist, you are this, that, and the third. When really, you are just simply reacting to their abuse and disrespect. Without their toxicity, their abusive repulsive behavior, their disrespect, there would have been no reactions in the first place.

Your emotions and reactions are so incredibly important when you are dealing with a narcissist. I cannot stress this enough. As much as you want to say something or react emotionally, you must contain those feelings in the presence of a narcissist. If you don’t, the consequences can be devastating.

Guilt, shame, and embarrassment for how you reacted, which can linger for years. I need you to understand that your reactions to disrespect and abusive behavior isn’t the problem. The narcissists behavior is. Unfortunately, narcissists will never acknowledge their own wrongdoings, nor will they ever take accountability, and are always pointing the finger and blame on someone else. It will always be your fault in the narcissists mind.

Now, I am not saying that people shouldn’t be more emotionally responsible, aware, and more in control of their own emotions. You absolutely should.

But…

When you are dealing with a narcissist, someone who is manipulative and conniving by nature, and they intentionally say or do things to provoke a negative reaction from you, that is different. This is a malicious, ill intentioned, manipulation tactic to disrupt your nervous system and get you to negatively react in a way that they can use against you.

Once you stop reacting and start withholding your emotions, they have no ammo against you. There is nothing they can use against you. This is how you take your power back.

We are all human and sometimes our emotions get the best of us, and that’s ok. Give yourself grace. Don’t beat yourself or start feeling guilty or ashamed for how you negatively reacted to abuse.

You are not the problem. They are.

~ Whispering The Unspoken